Lessons from Childhood : Monsters in the Dark

Just a little sprout.

I have, for as long as I can remember, been afraid of the dark. My fear of the dark began as a baby; the reason for my fear is rooted in an experience I had but can't remember. My mother tells me that when I was a baby, she and my father were asked to house sit. Of course they took me along. I fell asleep and they put me in a bedroom; when I woke up in my strange surroundings, I began crying.  I was inconsolable and my father finally submitted that I would, "cry myself to sleep eventually." And so I was left in the dark, in a strange room, to cry it out. I know it sounds cruel, but it is what it is. When my mom tells the story, she still gets angry at my dad; as my dad insisted that I be left to cry it out. It was his version of "Ferberizing" before Ferber wrote the book on children's sleeping problems. In any case, I developed a fear of the dark.

My fear was cultivated by neighbor kids and my brothers, who were unaffected by a fear of the dark. I was teased about my fear and jokes were played on me constantly.  Sometimes they would pass by my room, reach in, and shut off the light; laughing while I yelled and cried. I was stuck to the spot while I waited for them to either get tired of their joke and turn the lights back on or for my mom to come and rescue me and punish the brats that had a laugh at my experience.


Sometimes I would be tucked into bed with my nightlight on, door open, and blanket pulled over my head and I would hear strange noises. Now, I suspect it was one of my brothers trying to scare me but it could have been my imagination; I have a healthy imagination. I would make sure the blanket was tucked tightly under my body; because monsters can't get you if you have a blanket tucked tightly around you. This was a rule that I knew to be true; after all, I had tucked myself in like a mummy every night and monsters hadn't gotten me yet. The only problem with this plan was it was hot and stuffy under the blanket and I would feel like I was suffocating myself. When it was really bad, I would open the blanket a tiny bit so I could get fresh air; compromising my impenetrable shield.

Now, I don't want to give the impression that my brothers and the neighbor kids were mean hearted. This kind of tomfoolery is apart of childhood. Other children's fear is funny when you're a kid, but only when the fear isn't shared. For example, there were plenty of times where I had chased the boy who was afraid of lizards around the playground with a lizard in my hand but I wouldn't dream of turning the lights off on a friend that was afraid of the dark. That fear I understood.

I remember the day I learned that the monsters that hid in the dark couldn't touch you if you didn't show fear. I learned this 'fact' when my brothers were having a laugh at my expense. We would play in the woods that were near our house any chance we could get. Often times we would play until the sunset and I would get panicked because I knew I would be stuck in the dark without the safety of my house, my blanket, or mom and dad to protect me. My brothers would pick up on this and run screaming to the house. Being the slowest runner out of all of my siblings, I would be left in their dust, crying and begging them to wait for me. I would get tired and want to give up but I could hear the monsters hot on my trail and that pushed me to run.

Learning to be fierce.

The afternoon that I gained more understanding of the monsters in the dark, everything happened as usual. Me and my brothers played until sunset in the woods and as usual they ran screaming, leaving me behind. I began to run but stopped after a few steps. I had decided to face the monsters head on; if I was going to be gobbled up, I wanted to see the monster that did it. I turned around to face the dark woods and peered into the shadows and said with a small trembling voice, "I'm not afraid." There was no answer, no movement so I yelled, "I'm not afraid!" Still no sign of monsters. I turned and with my best angry face, I stomped back to the house. I could feel the monsters just behind me, creeping in the shadows towards me. I repeated as I turned back around, "I'm not afraid." Again, no monsters; they must have been hiding in the darkness.



Luckily, the monsters couldn't tell that I was lying; I was terrified. I turned around and continued to the house; walking with the appearance of bravery. Halfway home my brothers came running back to find me; they were afraid that something bad had happened to me when I didn't come running home crying and out of breath. To their amazement I was walking 'calmly' home. "You're not scared?" one of my brothers asked. "No.Why should I be?" I responded. Luckily, like the monsters, my brothers didn't catch my lie.

We made it home safely, cleaned up, and had dinner. That night as I lay in bed, trying to figure out why the monsters didn't gobble me up, a thought crossed my mind. Monsters can't touch you if you don't show fear. I threw the blanket off my face and slept.

I also learned that if your brothers think you're not afraid of the dark anymore, they won't play tricks on you.


Me : 1
Brothers and monsters : 0